Home > iambic pentameter, Keats Sonnet, Poem, Poetry, Poets United > Endless Rails – Sonnet

Endless Rails – Sonnet

 
Conductor please, I’ll buy a ticket sir,
one with a window and reclining seat
of leather, ashen white, to rest my eyes.
 
Caress cut crystal bronzed with fine liqueur –
accentuates heart’s rhythm of repeat;
across split rails of iron laden tracks.
 
Bequeath my soul to wander boundless skies,
eternity unburdened I prefer;
and leave behind cruel visions of defeat.
 
These fleeting images across sunrise –
through railway tunnels never looking back;
on restful rails of vast suspended time.
 
Discover hidden truth for which I lack.
Upon this train, towards endless, I shall climb.
 
 
☮TheMsLvh © 2011
Amazing photo by dorinnovac

Creative Commons License
California Ink In Motion by TheMsLvh is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License

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  1. September 17, 2011 at 8:24 pm

    nice…there is an interesting change of voice after the first stanza…it becomes rather surreal for a bit but then circles back in the end…the final stanza is my favorite…

  2. September 17, 2011 at 10:10 pm

    I hope you are sending these in somewhere. They deserve a wider audience. This seems to be a more complicated rhyming scheme than your previous sonnets. Totally beautiful. Makes me want to travel with you, leather seats, cut crystal and fine liqueur. Nice.

  3. September 17, 2011 at 11:04 pm

    A well crafted sonnet on a theme that I love – the train is my favourite means of transport. My favourite line? “on restful rails of vast suspended time.” That is how riding the rails seems to me.

    I’m not sure about the final couplet: ” towards endless ” makes for a bumpy rhythm, just when smoothness should round off a sonnet in style.

  4. September 17, 2011 at 11:20 pm

    Beautiful— I’m no good at sonnets– this is rich in detail and carries the reader away–xxxj

  5. September 17, 2011 at 11:52 pm

    Can I come too :) Love your poem and this line “leave behind cruel visions of defeat”. Nicely written :)

  6. September 18, 2011 at 12:45 am

    the train towards endless…through railway tunnels never looking back…very nice use of the train as a metaphor for the journey we’re on..

  7. September 18, 2011 at 1:11 am

    Oh how I adore the last line.

  8. September 18, 2011 at 7:23 am

    I love this… to leave the past behind… I especially like the first stanza.

  9. September 18, 2011 at 7:49 am

    Very, very nice. Reminded me of a train trip to Alaska. Something peaceful and soul refreshing. LIke being a projector taking movies of life passing. Excellent job/

  10. September 18, 2011 at 8:19 am

    Thank you EVERYONE!! Your comments are inspiring. Thank you for taking the time to visit! I love all your thoughts!

  11. September 18, 2011 at 10:54 am

    Such beautiful rhythm and metre – you excel at this. I especially love “on restful rails of vast suspended time”…lovely.

  12. September 18, 2011 at 12:43 pm

    Superb image – in both words and picture: I was there!

  13. September 18, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    Very well crafted. Starts out with a light cheery tone and then with the third line (“ashen white to rest my eyes”) indicating that this is more serious. Yet, the positive note is very nicely sustained (“eternity unburdened I prefer”) but balanced with continuing seriousness. Nice use of the train metaphor with the heart measuring out time on a person’s journey just as the clickety-clack over the track measures out the time of the railway journey. Very nicely done!

  14. hedgewitch
    September 18, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    Peaceful, ominous, passive, reflective–many moods here, lovely alternating rhyme, and a sense of the dispassionate observer yet being caught up in life’s messy strings.

  15. September 18, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    Always hard to follow as commenter after Hedgewitch (she’s such a pro :).
    ‘Bequeath my soul to wander boundless skies,
    eternity unburdened I prefer;
    and leave behind cruel visions of defeat.’ struck me deeply here. I think one of the most interesting aspect of travel is that it takes us beyond our everyday selves into a more broadly defined humanity. We become larger and smaller at the same time.

  16. September 18, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    this reminds me so much of a cross country train trip i took a decade ago. things weren’t going very well, and i took the t rain specifically because i wanted a long easy ride. it’s possible to lose one’s self on the train in a unique way. i’m glad i did it, and glad i came here and got to read your very cool poem.

  17. September 18, 2011 at 8:26 pm

    I fall deeper in love with your words every time I read u! Awesome!

  18. September 19, 2011 at 2:23 am

    Relaxing to read. I too like to take bus or train trips and just stare out the window, just watch the scenery go by, sometimes just wanting to be in motion. It’s stress relieving.

    Love these lines:
    “Bequeath my soul to wander boundless skies,
    eternity unburdened I prefer;
    and leave behind cruel visions of defeat.”

  19. September 19, 2011 at 7:36 am

    very nice, i can feel the rhythm of the rails.

  20. September 19, 2011 at 7:55 am

    I’m hopeless at sonnets but you captured a wealth of feeling and a fantastic journey here.

  21. September 19, 2011 at 9:04 am

    “on restful rails of vast suspended time…..” – Oh this just struck me complete! Some moments in life are so like that, so powerfully cozy and pleasant that you want them to last forever. “Upon this train, towards endless, I shall climb…” There are so many beautiful collections of words in your poem, I hesitate to quote just these two, but they are my favorites. I feel as though my train ride was complete! Intensely beautiful and I am so envious that you easily take a prompt and immediately let words like these flow….. This poem is absolutely top rate….

  22. September 19, 2011 at 10:25 am

    remind me of train rides from college to home.

    well done.

  23. September 19, 2011 at 10:45 am

    I love the movement in the picture that you caught with your words…

  24. September 19, 2011 at 11:19 am

    Well done – I love a good sonnet, but find one difficult to write myself. Felt quite authentic too – nicely descriptive and reminded me of longish train trips I’ve taken, those endless rails…

  25. September 19, 2011 at 12:50 pm

    Such a great expression of words that you painted here and trains they are wonderful and you have done such a good job on this one. I nominated you for The Poetry Palace Thursday Post rally week. I just love your blog and all the great comments you make on mine. It was an honor to do this one.
    http://gatelesspassage.com/2011/09/19/my-world/#comment-925

  26. September 19, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    Beautifully crafted, it took me on a wonderful journey. So glad I had time for the ride. Thank you, and thanks for coming by my place. I’d love to take a train trip up the coast. It would be so cool to go all the way from San Diego to Banff/Jasper on a train. Guess that doesn’t happen. Of course you’d have to have an observation car so you could see that panorama! Wow!!

  27. September 19, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    Lovely, I’d love to find this train and ride with you, your words creating as we travel the rails.

    • September 19, 2011 at 4:35 pm

      Your comment gave me an idea. Wouldn’t it be grand to have an entire car and we will fill it with the wonderful poets!

  28. September 19, 2011 at 5:48 pm

    one can figure out a lot of things on long train rides, I think….the clickety clack puts one’s mind in another space. I always dreamed about taking a long train ride. I think it would be wonderfully relaxing.

  29. September 19, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    Beautifully written. Is the photo your as well? I loved it!

  30. September 19, 2011 at 8:03 pm

    Mmm, trains, so restful and serene…”restful rails of vast suspended time” — oh, yes! I finally got my husband to agree, when we were in Europe last year…the only way to fly!
    — K

    Kay, Alberta, Canada
    An Unfittie’s Guide to Adventurous Travel

  31. September 19, 2011 at 8:04 pm

    Oops, in Europe this year. Talk about suspended time!

  32. October 20, 2011 at 10:58 am

    beautiful poem ‘ quixotic fantasies’ creates the right images. a pleasure to read

  33. October 22, 2011 at 3:00 am

    Another good one. I particularly like the couplet at the end. It suggests a world of possibilities to me. I also enjoy the fact that you have ‘liked’ your own poem!

  34. November 2, 2011 at 4:38 am

    Beautiful :-) I want a ticket for this train too! “Bequeath my soul to wander boundless skies, eternity unburdened I prefer” You got me here! Love the stratospheric vision. [Insert X superlatives here] – I’ve run out ;-)

  35. hobgoblin2011
    April 16, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    very nice. I love the conversational opening and the reflective close. nicely penned. Thanks

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