Home > Iambic tetrameter, Poem, Poetry, Poets United, Quatrain, Rhyming, Rondeau Redoublé > I Must Surrender- rondeau redoublé

I Must Surrender- rondeau redoublé

  
 
I must surrender the mind’s hold,
let go the blaze trapped in my head.
Times have changed. Leaving misty old
perceptions of what is, now dead.
 
Raised independent – so inbred,
to never swallow what was told.
To always question – not be led,
I must surrender the mind’s hold.
 
Events have changed my journey’s road;
the day I flew but fell instead.
All my dreams dying – turning cold –
let go the blaze trapped in my head.
 
I never feared what lay ahead,
those days of youth brought suns of gold;
so quick to alter by moon’s end,
Times have changed. Leaving misty old
 
faint memories pulled from the void.
Of better days where I transcend –
to grasp a breath and long behold
perceptions of what is, now dead.
 
Succumb to pain, I hide in bed;
heal mind and body, feel controlled.
New dreams will come a doctor said  –
relax and breath and let unfold.
I must surrender.
 
 
 
☮TheMsLvh © 2011
Image Courtesy of DiegoUnspire
 
 

*Technically speaking a rondeau redoublé is made of six quatrains ended by a hemistich (of exactly the same type as the one in the rondeau form, and built on the first verse as well). The 24 verses, 4 of which are found twice (in the first stanza and as endings of stanzas 2-5) all belong to only two rhyme groups, the tricky scheme of this form is:

ABAB BAB1 ABA2 BAB3 ABA4 BABAh

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  1. September 14, 2011 at 8:26 am

    relax and breath and let unfold

    You certainly managed that in this epic! :) Thanks…

  2. September 14, 2011 at 8:33 am

    Beautiful, skillfill use of form!

    • September 14, 2011 at 8:48 am

      Thank you for your kind comment. Hope to see you again.

      • September 14, 2011 at 8:52 am

        I’m subscribed so have the pleasure of seeing all your posts. Good luck on your surgery on the 27th!

      • September 14, 2011 at 9:04 am

        Zumpoems, Thank you for your well wishes!

  3. September 14, 2011 at 9:52 am

    I found the third stanza particularly moving. This is a hard write – one would have to dig deeply into the emotional barrel to put the words out there. Sometimes it takes more strength of will to surrender than to fight.

    • September 14, 2011 at 10:31 am

      Kerry, I am finding that out. There just comes a point that surrender is all one can do.

  4. anjum wasim dar
    September 14, 2011 at 10:33 am

    Deeply touching and highly technical poetry-well written in form-Great Work.

    • September 14, 2011 at 10:49 am

      anjum, I am pleased you liked it. Writing helps me figure out what I am feeling. Thank you.

  5. September 14, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    This is absolutely amazing! And I’m not exaggerating either!!! Not only do you seem to have stuck to form (not that I was counting or know what it’s supposed to be), but you actually told a story that I could follow (and THAT doesn’t happen often when I try reading formal poetry)!!! I am in awe! Awesome! You are soooooo good! *big hugs*

    On a more personal level… I hope everything works out with the surgery… I really hate seeing people I care about (even from a whole blogosphere away) go through stuff like that! If I could heal the world I would…

    • September 14, 2011 at 12:46 pm

      Thanks CC!! I am thrilled you liked this. I will be in a cast for 2 weeks, so I will be able to read poetry online, but I don’t know how much I will be able to type..perhaps hen-peck with the left hand. We will see. Hugs back to you CC!! Keep up the wonderful poetry you have been writing!

  6. September 14, 2011 at 12:11 pm

    there is good in the pain then…i really hope it goes well..surrender does suck at times but if it allows you to ease pain and live on all the better…very nice write…

    • September 14, 2011 at 12:48 pm

      Brian, the point of this is to rid the pain in elbow and wrist. I found fighting this was drivng me mad. I have just come to the point of surrender. Time. Time is the gift here.

  7. hedgewitch
    September 14, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    A very tricky form indeed–so far its scared me away, but you make it shine here…the repetition is much more subtle, and works well with your tone of reflection, recasting your thoughts, regrets and hopes mingled. Excellent writing.

    • September 14, 2011 at 12:50 pm

      Wow, hedgewitch, Your comments are inspiring. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

  8. September 14, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    Impressive! I mean it. Really impressive! To make a coherent poem out of a difficult (impossible) form takes talent. To make a beautiful coherent poem . . . I don’t have the words.

    • September 14, 2011 at 2:45 pm

      Thanks Mike. Appreicated the email as well, which left me spechless, in a good way. (smilz)

  9. September 14, 2011 at 2:17 pm

    I admire your tone, your pace and the fact that you’ve made it work within the form. It’s all charged with meaning. Very ‘poetic.’ Hang in there.

    • September 14, 2011 at 2:46 pm

      Thanks Steve. I have had a lot of time to ponder this… I was just happy there was a form that could handle it.

  10. Titus
    September 14, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    Enjoyed it very much, strange how the form almost formalises thought. I found the opening stanza particularly effective, and the turn of the surrender at the end worked well.

    • September 14, 2011 at 2:47 pm

      Titus, I had been waiting for a formate to express what I have been thinking for awhile. Thanks for your comment.

  11. September 14, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    Love your release into form. Well done!

  12. September 14, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    I find surrender a reasonable response to a lot of what life brings my way. Thank you for the reminder in your gentle poem. I hope your surgery goes well and you experience a speedy recovery.

    • September 14, 2011 at 3:18 pm

      Thank you Anna. I have just beaten this up and fought the pain in the shoulders and arm for a few years now, I have to just let is be. As my friends says “It is what it is”. Less stress, less pain I find.

  13. September 14, 2011 at 4:00 pm

    A beautiful poem. Such a sad, painful moment captured with such compassion. ‘the day I flew but fell instead’ Who amoung us doesn’t know this place. The form expresses this sad contemplation so well.

    • September 14, 2011 at 4:07 pm

      Cathleen, Thank you for stopping by and leaving a wonderful comment. You are right, gravity has a way of taking hold. Have a great day and please visit again.

  14. September 14, 2011 at 4:32 pm

    Nice write. I hope you feel better soon!

    • September 14, 2011 at 5:03 pm

      Thank you ayala, compared to the shoulders, I am hoping this is a “slam dunk”! lol Maybe I won’t have as many typos either! Thanks for stopping by.

  15. September 14, 2011 at 6:03 pm

    I am really impressed this is amazing just relax and let it flow so well done
    http://gatelesspassage.com/2011/09/13/a-new-life-begins/

    • September 15, 2011 at 7:35 am

      It comes to a point that fighting it was driving me crazy, my only option is to just surrender. Which goes against my grain. It is like an old man said to me once, “The day you stop leaning, is the day you are dead”. Guess I will learn and find peace within. Sarah, thank you for your comment and please come back.

  16. September 14, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    “those days ofyouth brought suns of gold…” oh I so hear you!!!! And yours was a CALIFORNIA sun at that! This is a marvellous and wonderful write. I absolutely love it, in every detail. And yes, the gift that accompanies your changed circumstances is TIME TO WRITE, a pretty cool gift. Keep us posted how the surgery goes………with your other hand. May you heal swiftly. And may you never stop writing, because you do it so wonderfully.

    • September 15, 2011 at 7:15 am

      Thanks you for your support Sherry! I will shoot you an email. Again, Sherry, you are one lovely lady! Thank you

  17. September 14, 2011 at 9:52 pm

    Thrilling! Since I got two “extra credit” responses for these rondeaux redoubles, they are totally going on the schedule for an upcoming challenge…which you will have no trouble meeting, apparently! Thank you for this glorious response! Gold star for you!

    • September 15, 2011 at 7:18 am

      Gold STAR! Nice..I wish I knew the upcoming schedule. Even with one hand I will do my best, thanks Grace for suggesting a form that fit the way I feel about my up coming event. Thank you.

  18. September 15, 2011 at 12:09 am

    Very sorry to hear about ur fall. I’ll be hoping all goes well for you. Great piece penned here. Very real, moving, black and white real coming of age, smelling the coffe and what’s for breakfast. Excellent job. I bet that write either wore you out or made you feel better. Luv ur art. Excellent!

    • September 15, 2011 at 7:31 am

      Actually Henry, it did make me feel better. These thoughts have been running amuck in my head for awhile.. Thrilled you liked the poem.
      did I hear breakfast? Oh yeah!

  19. September 15, 2011 at 3:34 am

    Wow, this is so well written! I like the way you ended it and the picture is gorgeous. So sorry to hear you have to have surgery but it looks like you’re positive. All the best with it :)

    • September 15, 2011 at 7:28 am

      Thanks IceCream for your comment. I am positive in the fact I will have my right hand back. Happy you liked the poem

  20. September 15, 2011 at 4:07 am

    This is – wow – the way you have used this form makes it seem effortless – which I know poetry is never. Ha. I loved the last stanza – it roared at me of truth.

    Now – surgery. Ahhhhh – know how that feels, having to rely one others, surrender yourself. A difficult thing to do. But – I have a sense that this time will be put to good use. i am sorry you have to go through this – and will be thinking of you – sending healing thoughts over the sea.

    And this is for you – because it feels like you. ;)

    • September 15, 2011 at 7:26 am

      This is what I am feeling like lately! Loved your comment Jo..

      • September 15, 2011 at 11:38 am

        I can imagine – there is a lot in this song though – strength included. I love this ladies voice. love the song actually. The first bit of the guitar bit is like a race to the future, then that soft slow ending – wow.

      • September 15, 2011 at 12:20 pm

        Jo, when I get my hand fixed, Ill pick up my guitar and see what happens, thank you for your kind words.

  21. September 15, 2011 at 4:47 am

    I surrender to you skill!

  22. September 15, 2011 at 5:05 am

    Great poem! Hope things work out well on the 27th. One step at a time.

    • September 15, 2011 at 7:21 am

      Barton, you nailed it, one sttep at a time. btw, I have been really enjoying the poems you have been posting. Loved The Raven. I will be reading all of your posts. You pick wonderful poems to post. It is like having a book with only the best poetry. Please don’t ever stop.

  23. September 15, 2011 at 8:20 am

    Fabric stretched, threadbare but not broken, weave them strands one around another, ties that bind, lift you even higher.

    Cheers!

  24. September 15, 2011 at 8:22 am

    Beautiful, moving poem! Sorry to hear about your injuries, but it looks like you are staying positive and making the best of a bad situation.

  25. Pete
    September 15, 2011 at 9:13 am

    Jeez. Between yourself and Titus, I can only declare myself not worthy. A mighty effort.

  26. Leo
    September 15, 2011 at 11:34 am

    Its the first time I’m reading of this form and its very interesting.. a moving poem does it justice for sure! Hope your surgery goes well, Ms.Lvh and that you are back soon after that to writing more too. Typing with one hand right now? That can be bumming, but good to see you are positive!

    P.S: its not that your blog doesnt permit me to comment from office.. its just that i can’t open blogs other than mine from office. a risk to getting it banned u see. i read ur posts through google reader :)

    • September 15, 2011 at 12:19 pm

      Leo, you were one of the first I connected with and did not want to loose you. I now understand your situation. Just pop in when you can. Love your poems.

  27. September 15, 2011 at 12:27 pm

    I just wanted to let everyone who has commented and wished me well warms my heart. Seems I get more support than I do in my real life. Amazing.Thank you all for your understnding and love.

  28. September 15, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    Gosh, that’s terrible about another fall for you. Geez. I’m sure your surgery will go just fine.

    And funny, when my girl was 4 her favorite off “Car Wheels on A Gravel Road” was “Joy!” (Mine was, and still is “Jackson”)

    Yes, bloggers are one supportive bunch, get used to that!! :) And get well, woman!!

  29. September 15, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    I love this rondeau… and I’m sorry about your fall and upcoming surgery, but as you said, you can write a lot during recovery. Blessings.

    • September 15, 2011 at 5:06 pm

      Thanks Laurie, Actually if it had not been for the fall, I would not be writing. Last March I was ready to jump out of my skin, so in self preservation, I started writing poetry. At first it was a flood of poems, I had a lot to say. I think writing has been one of the best decisions for I think it saved my life, I told my surgeeon, In no terms, Please Don’t take away my right hand!>> Thank you for visiting! Thanks Laurieg

  30. September 15, 2011 at 6:25 pm

    Incredibly difficult form and you just blew it away! Man how beautiflul is that…. You Miss are a POET! well done!

  31. September 16, 2011 at 8:08 pm

    I admire that you wrote about your real life experience and pain, and turn it to something very beautiful to read and share. I like your idea of surrendering, and letting your body heal.

    Hope all is well and that you are recovering fast ~

    Happy weekend ~

  32. September 17, 2011 at 12:43 am

    Sorry you are hurting, and hope the surgery is successful. I love that you are using your experience to write – the mark of a real writer.

  33. Leona
    September 17, 2011 at 6:14 am

    Girlfriend new dreams will come to you! You have already been blessed with your gift of writing. Like you said in your poem. Relax and breath! And remember, this too shall pass!!

    Love you!

  34. September 19, 2011 at 10:40 am

    very skillful and i must scroll right down to be able to say something haha! you are so popular! tq for sharing.. my gooseberry.. http://fiveloaf.wordpress.com/2010/02/16/helpless/

  35. September 19, 2011 at 11:07 am

    wow, how did i miss this? i found this form particularly difficult, but here you are, brilliantly conquering it. good one!

  36. September 19, 2011 at 11:14 am

    Great use of the form to describe your journey. Surrender, yes… sometimes, as you say, that’s all one can do.

    Aside from the poem, this sentence in your lead-up really struck me: I would not be writing if not for the fall, and especially, that you see this is a bright note. Hats off to you, and may the surgery go well, and your life continue to blossom.

  37. September 19, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    Beautiful..

  38. September 19, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    Awesome! You are a beautiful writter! Your final three words are so very true for very many of us…including me. :-) Beautifully touching!

  39. September 19, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    I know how you’re feeling. I had to let my life go when I could no longer work. It is incredibly difficult. I felt I was relinquishing my entire identity.
    One step at a time, as has been said, is the only way to take things like this, but you’ve already had a positive outcome. I applaud that.
    — K

    Kay, Alberta, Canada
    An Unfittie’s Guide to Adventurous Travel

  40. September 20, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    An awesome write! Sometimes our inner feelings and pain are where our best and most creative thoughts are. I wish you well in the coming days, and encourage you to at least try and make notes–pecking at the keyboard–a word or two to jog your mind when you’re ready to rock and roll again. You may have succumbed to this bit of pain, but you will be back, stronger than ever!

    http://charleslmashburn.wordpress.com/2011/09/19/fragile-cloth-2/

  41. September 25, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    I think it’s good to write and share your feelings of frustration–a powerful write–it’s courageous to share your fears.

    I hope healing will soon be yours.

    Gayle ~

  42. October 27, 2011 at 11:21 am

    Can I simply say what a relief to seek out someone who really knows what theyre talking about on the internet. You undoubtedly know how you can convey a problem to light and make it important. More individuals need to read this and perceive this side of the story. I cant believe youre not more standard because you undoubtedly have the gift.

  43. November 2, 2011 at 4:34 am

    Fantastic! New dreams will come when we let go of our rusted tat.Such a command of the form. The piece flows like silkwaters. Love it. Brava!

    P.S. I feel remiss for not being around before to wish you well. Hope you’ve recovered/are recovering and that pen hand is back to force :-)

  44. November 10, 2011 at 4:48 am

    I must surrender the mind’s hold – what a start and what a finish. Great work :) !

  1. September 17, 2011 at 1:00 pm
  2. September 25, 2011 at 2:36 pm

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