Endless Rails – Sonnet
Conductor please, I’ll buy a ticket sir,
one with a window and reclining seat
of leather, ashen white, to rest my eyes.
Caress cut crystal bronzed with fine liqueur -
accentuates heart’s rhythm of repeat;
across split rails of iron laden tracks.
Bequeath my soul to wander boundless skies,
eternity unburdened I prefer;
and leave behind cruel visions of defeat.
These fleeting images across sunrise -
through railway tunnels never looking back;
on restful rails of vast suspended time.
Discover hidden truth for which I lack.
Upon this train, towards endless, I shall climb.
☮TheMsLvh © 2011
Submitted to dVerse – Poetics – Trai_n_n_n_n_n_n_n_n_s and Real Toads and Poets United
Amazing photo by dorinnovac
California Ink In Motion by TheMsLvh is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License
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Poets United
nice…there is an interesting change of voice after the first stanza…it becomes rather surreal for a bit but then circles back in the end…the final stanza is my favorite…
I hope you are sending these in somewhere. They deserve a wider audience. This seems to be a more complicated rhyming scheme than your previous sonnets. Totally beautiful. Makes me want to travel with you, leather seats, cut crystal and fine liqueur. Nice.
A well crafted sonnet on a theme that I love – the train is my favourite means of transport. My favourite line? “on restful rails of vast suspended time.” That is how riding the rails seems to me.
I’m not sure about the final couplet: ” towards endless ” makes for a bumpy rhythm, just when smoothness should round off a sonnet in style.
Beautiful— I’m no good at sonnets– this is rich in detail and carries the reader away–xxxj
Can I come too :) Love your poem and this line “leave behind cruel visions of defeat”. Nicely written :)
the train towards endless…through railway tunnels never looking back…very nice use of the train as a metaphor for the journey we’re on..
Oh how I adore the last line.
I love this… to leave the past behind… I especially like the first stanza.
Very, very nice. Reminded me of a train trip to Alaska. Something peaceful and soul refreshing. LIke being a projector taking movies of life passing. Excellent job/
Thank you EVERYONE!! Your comments are inspiring. Thank you for taking the time to visit! I love all your thoughts!
Such beautiful rhythm and metre – you excel at this. I especially love “on restful rails of vast suspended time”…lovely.
Superb image – in both words and picture: I was there!
Very well crafted. Starts out with a light cheery tone and then with the third line (“ashen white to rest my eyes”) indicating that this is more serious. Yet, the positive note is very nicely sustained (“eternity unburdened I prefer”) but balanced with continuing seriousness. Nice use of the train metaphor with the heart measuring out time on a person’s journey just as the clickety-clack over the track measures out the time of the railway journey. Very nicely done!
Peaceful, ominous, passive, reflective–many moods here, lovely alternating rhyme, and a sense of the dispassionate observer yet being caught up in life’s messy strings.
Always hard to follow as commenter after Hedgewitch (she’s such a pro :).
‘Bequeath my soul to wander boundless skies,
eternity unburdened I prefer;
and leave behind cruel visions of defeat.’ struck me deeply here. I think one of the most interesting aspect of travel is that it takes us beyond our everyday selves into a more broadly defined humanity. We become larger and smaller at the same time.
this reminds me so much of a cross country train trip i took a decade ago. things weren’t going very well, and i took the t rain specifically because i wanted a long easy ride. it’s possible to lose one’s self on the train in a unique way. i’m glad i did it, and glad i came here and got to read your very cool poem.
I fall deeper in love with your words every time I read u! Awesome!
Relaxing to read. I too like to take bus or train trips and just stare out the window, just watch the scenery go by, sometimes just wanting to be in motion. It’s stress relieving.
Love these lines:
“Bequeath my soul to wander boundless skies,
eternity unburdened I prefer;
and leave behind cruel visions of defeat.”
very nice, i can feel the rhythm of the rails.
I’m hopeless at sonnets but you captured a wealth of feeling and a fantastic journey here.
“on restful rails of vast suspended time…..” – Oh this just struck me complete! Some moments in life are so like that, so powerfully cozy and pleasant that you want them to last forever. “Upon this train, towards endless, I shall climb…” There are so many beautiful collections of words in your poem, I hesitate to quote just these two, but they are my favorites. I feel as though my train ride was complete! Intensely beautiful and I am so envious that you easily take a prompt and immediately let words like these flow….. This poem is absolutely top rate….
remind me of train rides from college to home.
well done.
I love the movement in the picture that you caught with your words…
Well done – I love a good sonnet, but find one difficult to write myself. Felt quite authentic too – nicely descriptive and reminded me of longish train trips I’ve taken, those endless rails…
Such a great expression of words that you painted here and trains they are wonderful and you have done such a good job on this one. I nominated you for The Poetry Palace Thursday Post rally week. I just love your blog and all the great comments you make on mine. It was an honor to do this one.
http://gatelesspassage.com/2011/09/19/my-world/#comment-925
Beautifully crafted, it took me on a wonderful journey. So glad I had time for the ride. Thank you, and thanks for coming by my place. I’d love to take a train trip up the coast. It would be so cool to go all the way from San Diego to Banff/Jasper on a train. Guess that doesn’t happen. Of course you’d have to have an observation car so you could see that panorama! Wow!!
Lovely, I’d love to find this train and ride with you, your words creating as we travel the rails.
Your comment gave me an idea. Wouldn’t it be grand to have an entire car and we will fill it with the wonderful poets!
one can figure out a lot of things on long train rides, I think….the clickety clack puts one’s mind in another space. I always dreamed about taking a long train ride. I think it would be wonderfully relaxing.
Beautifully written. Is the photo your as well? I loved it!
Mmm, trains, so restful and serene…”restful rails of vast suspended time” — oh, yes! I finally got my husband to agree, when we were in Europe last year…the only way to fly!
— K
Kay, Alberta, Canada
An Unfittie’s Guide to Adventurous Travel
Oops, in Europe this year. Talk about suspended time!
beautiful poem ‘ quixotic fantasies’ creates the right images. a pleasure to read
Another good one. I particularly like the couplet at the end. It suggests a world of possibilities to me. I also enjoy the fact that you have ‘liked’ your own poem!
Beautiful :-) I want a ticket for this train too! “Bequeath my soul to wander boundless skies, eternity unburdened I prefer” You got me here! Love the stratospheric vision. [Insert X superlatives here] – I’ve run out ;-)
very nice. I love the conversational opening and the reflective close. nicely penned. Thanks